So this afternoon my mother branched my house. She needed to use the toilet badly. According to her, she had been holding it since church began and she could no longer hold it until she gets home. So she decided to branch my house since it was close by.
My wife was in the kitchen cooking. My mother didn’t want my wife to know she was around if not it will be another long talk. So she asked me to keep quiet and just take her to the toilet.
Without wasting time, I led my mother to the guest toilet and she locked the door.
Everywhere started vibrating. The smell was too much. I decided to run up to get air freshener. While running up the stairs, my wife stepped out of the Kitchen innocently and perceived the smell in the sitting room.
“Jesus! Praises you can shit o. What the hell did you eat? See how your shit smells like dead rat. God forbid. Are you sure you are well? Babe! I think you are sick. What kind of smell is this? I swear your shit fit kill flies.”
She started laughing.
“Babe! You don’t want to answer me? See next time you should go to the bush if you want to shit this kind of smelling shit. You need to wash your stomach with hypo. I think your stomach is rotten.”
At the sound of that, I ran down the stairs and alerted my wife that it was Mama that was inside the toilet and not me.
My wife carried her hands on her head and started jumping up. She covered her mouth and sat on the floor. Stood up and started jumping again.
Woman became confused.
She started whispering.
“Praises why didn’t you tell me?”
“Did you ask me? You just started talking anyhow.”
“How did I know it is not your shit?”
“Why won’t you know? Do I shit like that? Know what you will tell mummy now o.”
I ran up to bring air freshener.
My wife started fresh drama
“Hey, baby I like the smell I am perceiving. I love it. I was just joking with you. It smells nice.”
My mother finished her thing and opened the door.
My wife saw her and started pretending.
“O mama welcome. So it is you that is giving us fine fine aroma like this.”
I could not laugh.
I left her to settle her wahala with Mama.
Me I carried air freshener and was fleeting the house in peace.
Mama did not say anything o.
She carried her bag and left.
My wife had to follow her with plantain and rice to appease her.
I believe we shall hear from the elders soon.
My name is Praises Chidera Obiora and I am the best at what I do.