My wife is Pregnant (Episode 1)

A month ago I was in my room when my wife’s friend brought a brand new car to show my wife. My wife was shocked. I was also shocked that Kemi had bought a car and could now drive.

My wife asked her how she had managed to convince her husband to buy her a new car. That was when she told us the news of her pregnancy.

She was three months pregnant and her husband, a banker, didn’t want her to stress herself trekking and jumping bikes with his unborn child. So he bought her a car to ease her stress.

My wife shouted in excitement and snapped her fingers severally. She kept nodding her head like a lizard.

So last month, I was in the kitchen preparing dinner when my wife ran into the kitchen to announce that she was pregnant for me. It was like a dream in my ears. I dropped knife and turned to look at her.

She kept smiling as she handed me the test result. All I understood there was the name of the hospital which was written in bold. But the handwriting was jargons.

After reading the name of the hospital, I laughed in excitement and started jumping for joy.

“O my God you are pregnant. O my God.”

I carried my wife up and she started laughing too. During that week, I told my wife not to do anything in the house again. I started cooking full-time. I started washing her clothes full-time. I started bathing her and even dressing her up. I became the wife while my wife became the husband.

My wife took advantage of the charity work I was doing and started asking for more. She started asking for things she didn’t usually ask for before. She will ask me to buy her ice cream and chocolate every morning.

In the afternoon she will request for chicken. And at night she will ask me to cook goat meat or Nkworbi for her.

If I complain, my wife will tell me that it is the baby that wants to eat it and not her.

“Which kind of one month baby will be licking ice cream in the morning, chocolate in the afternoon, Goat meat in the night? Eh? What kind of baby will be drinking small stout every night before bed. Baby that has not even developed o. Four weeks old baby for that matter.”

My wife told me that is how some pregnancies use to do.

“Praises, you are even lucky o. Thank God our baby loves goat meat. Some other pregnancy will make you feel like eating lion meat and the husband will have to go and get it for the wife.”

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“No o. Don’t even think of Lion meat. Let the pregnancy not even reach that kind of level, please. I cannot buy or kill Lion for you please.”

My wife laughed.

During that period of slaving for my pregnant wife, I started wishing she was not pregnant again so that I can just go back to my normal life.

So yesterday night, my wife woke me up in the middle of the night. My heart skipped thrice when she told me that she wanted to talk to me.

I opened my eyes and looked at her.

“What is it? Ogini?”

“Praises…”

“Yes. What is it? Why can’t you wait till it’s morning?”

“This is very important. It is about our baby.”

“Which baby?”

“Our baby na. The one in my stomach.”

“O Okay. What happen to the baby again?”

“The baby appeared to me in the dream just now.”

I swallowed saliva and sat up straight.

“Ehenn… What is the baby doing in your dream? I thought the baby is suppose to be sleeping.”

“Praises it came to talk to me.”

“What did the baby say?”

“The baby said it is tired of trekking.”

Shock held me.

I remove the blanket that was covering my legs and started looking at my wife very well.

“But it is not the baby that is trekking na. It is you. So why will the baby be complaining?”

“Praises, our baby was crying very bitterly in that dream. And you know in situations like this, the baby use to first communicate to the mother before it comes to the world and if we do not provide its need, the baby may not even come.”

“Na wa o. So what did the baby say it wants now?”

My wife started knacking her palms front and back and bending her head from side to side.

“Ehnmmm… The baby said it wants a car. A car that can be carrying it around.”

“You mean you want a car?”

“No not me o. Not me. It is the baby that wants a car.”

“Baby of 4 weeks? Baby that have not even develop eyes and legs.”

“Hmm, honey the baby has developed o. You need to see this baby in my dream. It is big already. The baby seriously wants a motor car.”

Sleep disappeared from my eyes. Headache started disturbing me.

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